Cromagh Answers!

April 17, 2003

Cromagh,

Why is it wrong to wear white before Labor Day?

Sincerely,
Deephurting

P.S. is Jerry Lewis for real or what?!?

Dear Deephurting:

Why "Deephurting?" Did somebody force you to watch that Hercules movie with the sandstorm or something?

Anyway, on to the important part of your question: Jerry Lewis. What have you got against Jerry Lewis? Cromagh is a big fan of Jerry Lewis. Cromagh could watch Jerry Lewis for hours on end! And that great little sock puppet thing she works with! "Mutton Chop" or whatever it's called. Maybe that's your problem: You're confusing Jerry Lewis with the puppet. So, just to help you get your head straight: Jerry Lewis is definitely for real; it's Mutton Chop that's not real. Only an idiot can't tell the difference!

Oh, and about Labor Day: It's wrong to wear white, period. Only an idiot wears white. Think about it: Your party is approaching the hobgoblin stronghold, sweeping through the woods on a moonless night, virtually invisible—except for you, because you're dressed in white! Cromagh can see it now:

"Hey," says Hobgoblin Sentry, a hobgoblin sentry. "I think I see something!"

"What?" says the hobgoblin sentry's buddy, uh ... Hobgoblin ... Number ... Two.

"It looks like some idiot sneaking toward us through the Forest of Sharp Contrast," says Hobgoblin Sentry, "but get this: He's wearing white!"

"Well, let's fire some arrows at him," says Hobgoblin Number Two.

"Good idea!" says Hobgoblin Sentry. "And just to be on the safe side let's fill the entire area with arrows, just in case he's traveling with people who are smarter than he is, but just don't have the heart to tell him not to wear white!"

"Ha ha!" says Hobgoblin Number Two, nocking an arrow. "Good idea! Not only has he gotten himself killed, but he's responsible for the deaths of his entire party, too!"

(That entire exchange is actually from a hobgoblin play Cromagh once saw, entitled "What? Wear White?" Of course, Cromagh is paraphrasing; the original was in iambic pentameter.)

So that's why it's wrong to wear white, Deephurting: hobgoblin sentries and iambic pentameter.

Cromagh hopes that clears it up for you!

Cromagh

Cromagh and JD Wiker are the authors of Cromagh's Guide to Goblinoids, now available on RPGNow.com.

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